My dear friends, I love a good makeup story—so please, express yourself. Are there any embarrassing secrets? Do you also always apply mascara with your mouth open like a stunned fish? Because the same. Be honest. This is a safe place.
Personally, I’ve never been ashamed to tell people that I ate an entire Cherry ChapStick when I was five years old. Not the bite. Not a nibble. Everything. Bon Appetit. No one was alarmed—I survived on my little sweet treat and lived to tell the tale.
Now, is there some mysterious poison in my blood that has given me superhuman speed? The ability to jump tall buildings? Seeing at night? Sixth sense of Sephora sales? Sadly, no. I think my ChapStick du jour has only given me… let’s say digestive effects. And, as far as I remember, I didn’t tell my mother. I just… processed that internally. As a soldier.
Anyway-guys, help your sister. What is that TLC show where people eat things they shouldn’t? Like Tide Pods? And was there no one who eats the ashes?? Whose ashes?? WHY ash?? Is My Addiction Strange? Because at this point I feel qualified to say: “The kid who used to eat makeup and now expects all lip products to taste like delicious snacks.” To be honest I think ChapStick was my makeup addiction. It started there. A slippery, slippery slope.
Now L’Oréal. Let’s talk. When I said lip products should taste good? I was talking to YOU. Why they taste like regret and broken dreams. I see you. I judge you. I will continue to judge.
And Maybelline-I’ve been watching you closely. When those new Lifter Gel Oil-in-Gel polishes come off and taste like crap or, worse, like earthworms? I myself will be angry. This is a threat. Loving. But still.
If you’re embracing the soft, beautiful cherry spring season, and want a glaze that tastes really good?? Let me put it to you: Lawless Forget Filler Lip Plumper Line Smoothing Gloss.
Right now I own… too many. TikTok Shop is my financial advisor and he hates me.
But listen to this gloss? Elite. Unbelievable. It’s delicious (not that I’m eating it yet… grow up!). I wore it recently and my friend hugged me and said, “Wow, you smell amazing.” And I stopped. Because I wasn’t wearing perfume. I was shocked. I thought maybe I had discovered a new biological smell?? Like… I’m showing up?? So I asked him what it smelled like and he said, “Something sweet, like a cherry.”
IT WAS MY LIP HEAD.
Explain to me that my lip gloss has more projection than other perfumes I have??? We were close by accident?? Was the polish self-proclaimed?? Either way, I was happy and a little shocked.
So while we’re waiting for Maybelline to get those glosses out of the TikTok Store like we’re all gardeners, we’ll be blooming with Lawless in Cherry Vanilla—living our best cherry blossom dream.
Now tell me- what are YOUR favorite glosses?? I need recommendations urgently. My standards (and taste buds) are high.
Where to buy
Sephora
Add a Comment